February 26, 2008

BIG DEEP SIGH. Hear me? BIG BIG DEEP DEEP SIGH.

I swanny. We've been home from Texas for two years now and we have been running the whole time. And this last week has been no exception.

Looking just on the Mommy frontier, the calls have been kinda close and my nerves are frayed. Yesterday our girl took a 7 foot fall. She's fine. She landed on her back instead of her head and she didn't break anything. But, I did spend some time on the phone with a pediatric nurse understanding the parameters of "fine." Then today, she was riding a pony in a metal round pen in a field with her instructor and it thundered.

I'm trying to be a calm even keeled mother. I try not to blanch at risk. I try to let go, roll with it, not hover. I do pretty good. So it thundered and the instructor said, "was that thunder or a plane." We both knew which. They kept working. It started raining. They kept working. Then a bolt of lightening opened up and split the sky so fast, I couldn't believe it. Instructor says to my precious irreplaceable daughter, "Emergency dismount NOW! To the barn NOW. Go through the fence NOW." And we are all safe. But typing here I am reduced to tears.

I threw a party last weekend. It was great. Lots of my most treasured people were here, including my best friend from childhood. She just finished her last round of chemo and she didn't even lose her hair. She looks better than ever. New friends where here. Old friends. Some of my first babies - Good God! All grown up now from my days as a nanny. Then I'm pulled to the side, "Kat, they've found a lump. They wrote on my breast. Will you take a picture?"

Oh yes, I did take a picture. And the biopsy was negative. And I am thanking God for all the smallest and best everyday miracles. We are all fine. We are beyond fine. We are blessed and lucky and working hard. We are warm and fed and loved. We have wool! We're good.

But, my nerves are getting twitchy. Settle down old gal. Settle down now. Its gonna be ok.

6 comments:

RegularMom said...

((((((Katherine!)))))

Maria said...

Sounds like the "lightning" of life has got to you...(grasping at the lightning metaphor here...)

Phew. You know what? That's a lot. And the move isn't light. Two and a half years since we moved and I'm still figuring it out. Those things are BIG. Cancer is BIG. Falls are BIG. Caring for loved one is BIG. You deserve and should be a bit skittish. I'd worry if you weren't. Hang in there. Take some time for you. Repair the frayed nerves.

Your big party of loved ones old and new sounds beautiful. I love that idea. May have to steal it. But I'm not sure I could ever pull it off. That kind of stress does me in. It's really okay that you are jittery. YOu sound like SuperWoman to me.

Katherine said...

No more parties for me for awhile. But I will say, that one was super casual. I had a potluck brunch and invited almost everyone I know. It worked fab. Everyone is in a good mood in the morning. And breakfast food is the best food of the day.

Thanks for the hugs y'all. Its good to hear from other moms, that its ok to get overwhelmed occasionally. It does happen, right?

Fourmother said...

Isn't it strange how life can be joyful and frightening at the same time. You need chocolate, wine and hugs. (((Katherine)))

Katherine said...

joyful and frightening at the same time... THAT'S IT EXACTLY. Thanks Fourmother.

Heather said...

Those close calls are so frightening, almost unbearable. I think, though, that the close calls demonstrate how fragile and delicate life is, making us continually appreciate it. Those that aren't frightened by what almost happened are missing the point, I think.