Firstly, sometimes I get scared that I am not doing enough for my children. I know that is a common fear for every mother. But since we are unschoolers, my brand of that fear has a special spin. Maybe I REALLY AM NOT DOING ENOUGH FOR THE CHILDREN. But there is a woman I know who has unschooled a huge passel of kids. She is still doing it. She has grown kids, a couple of grandkids, babies, and kids in the middle. They appear to be happy well adjusted people. When this woman talks about raising children or unschooling, I listen.

Today she said, "The thing that sets homeschool apart, far and away, the thing that has kept me doing it all these years--is the distinct and heartfelt belief that the most truly awesome power in homeschool is that the kids simply are not in school. They're not in the system. They can grow up free of that fear of humiliation that is soooo stifling to most kids. My own kids go to school at 15, to grade 9 and even though they're self-conscious and nervous, they know who they are. After 15 years around the house in peace, they know. They want to fit in, but if they don't, they still have that core of self fully intact. And that's not because I'm such a great mother or teacher. I'm not. I'm normal, full of faults, distracted, preoccupied.... but I think growing up free of fear is a very, very powerful thing."

There. She said it. What a huge relief to me. I read that and my heart screams, YES, EXACTLY! For all you dear brothers, sisters, cousins, and friends who have your kids in the school system, I would like you to know that I am sure your children will be the strong resilient unfearful kinds of kids who thrive at school. But for me and my children, that environment fosters an unnecessary layer of stress, humiliation, and fear. And when I get worried about our radical choice to keep the children home, I will be able to come back here and reread this. For me, this is the deepest truth about homeschool. It is good for the children to grow up fundamentally secure with sane calm happy adults near by. I am not saying homeschool is any kind of panacea. But my heart knows what this woman says. It is very good for my children to be raised without unnecessary stress.

This morning at 6 am when the house was still dark and I could smell rain on the distant horizon, we got a surprise visit in our bed from Ry, who usually sleeps till 8 or 9. Joe got up to start work and I thought Ry and I might drift back to sleep. Calm. Safe. Dark. Window open, smell the rain. Drifting off....."Mom, have you ever smoked a cigarette?"

Huh? I'm awake now. And we launch into a long conversation about tobacco, alcohol, and the nature of addiction. Yes, your father and I both have smoked "a few" cigarettes. Why? Well, back a long time ago before science helped people get clear about nicotine, almost everyone around here smoked. People did not understand just how dangerous and poisonous smoking is. When you take a drug that is addictive, it gets in your body and messes with your emotions and even with your thoughts, so that it is hard to remember that the drug is poisonous. The drug makes you feel good too. So it gets very confusing and hard to stop. You have to be really strong and smart to remember that you are hurting your body and to choose to stop. Ry said, "now you are bragging." Maybe, I said, "but I am also telling you the truth about how these drugs like tobacco and alcohol and other drugs can fool you."

"Is that why Pops drunk drives?" "Oh, well now, yes, I guess so." Wow, kids can cut to the heart of the matter fast. "Your grandfather is an alcoholic, I think. But if you asked him, he would not agree. And that is a good example of how confusing it can all be." Then off we go talking about oxygen deprivation in your brain, toxic chemicals in your lungs, and emotional dependency when life just gets too sad. This stuff runs deep in our family and I am grateful for a long dark early morning where we can chat for as long as we need. And I realise again that addiction has a direct relationship to fear.

In sheltering the children from long extra years of fear and insecurity, they get a leg up in this life. If my children manage to reach adulthood and they are neither racked with anxiety nor addicted to anything, I will feel happy. For me, that will be enough. It will be more than most of their predecessors.