When a Parent's 'I Love You" Means 'Do as I Say' by Alfie Kohn   And my response: 

This is why I think it is so important to teach children self control and polite manners by the time they are 2 or 3.  I was a fairly heavy handed dictator with my toddlers.  They were, quite simply, not allowed to be rude.  I used logic, time outs, and (hopefully) example to teach them.  The more consistent parents are, the faster kids will get it.   Get the job done while they are tiny and move on.   Kind of like "All their shots while their tots."

Children who reach the age of rationality who have already learned self control and how to behave politely just don't really require much external discipline at all.  My kids barely remember time-out.  Misbehavior is barely a discussion.  When we make mistakes, we learn from them.  And we all make mistakes. 

This idea that children have to be disciplined for years and years and years, that children are difficult by their very nature, is absurd to me.  And it is insulting to the intelligence of children.  (Most children.)  Why should anyone still be trying to manipulate a child old enough to discuss behavior rationally?  Manipulation is an ugly word.  But what else shall we call it - imposing my maternal will and authority upon my children in their best interest?  It is our job to raise children who know how to function (which is to say, behave) in our society.  If you can't teach manners and remain loving at the same time, your methods of discipline should wait while you go get a bunch of therapy.  Because your message is garbled and absurd, and you likely have a hole in your heart.  If your kids are older than 4 and still rude, go get some therapy to figure out a) why your parenting is ineffective or b) why you are teaching rude behavior.