Child's Pose

Late evening found me off my desk chair, in a yoga pose, stretching my back. A long badly needed stretch. How badly needed? About 10 years overdue. I quit stretching after the kids were born. It takes too long. And there were more important things in my life, such as eating and nursing. So neglected, my yoga just slipped quietly out the kitchen door while my needy back was hunched, turned, and helping me scrape dried yogurt off the floor. It grabbed my youth by the hand and they departed together. I hardly noticed. Until somehow I found myself here in my early 40s with an ever increasing list of aches and no one but myself to blame.

Now I'm on the floor in Child's Pose with my breath. To my right I hear tap a tap a tap tap tap as my daughter gently pecks away on my computer key board. I don't have to turn my head to know she is composing one of her beautifully colorful emails chock full of love. To my left and down the hall about four yards I hear clickety clickety click click click. My son is at his desk working on another American Zombie Girl installment. He composes on his new typewriter. (You have all forgotten typewriters, haven't you? They are way more satisfying than computers. How did he know?)

A circle of satisfaction moves through me. After all these long years neglecting myself, doing it the hard way, I return to myself. I am found on the inside, a long draw of breath and pull in my legs. I am found on the outside in good company with children who naturally write, quietly and without coercion. They reflect to me the behavior I have been modeling all these years.

Inhale, try to stay calm and balanced. Exhale, write it all down as best you can. Inhale, take life up with all your senses. Exhale, arrive with love, remember not to yell at the children. Inhale, they do as you do. Exhale, they are lovely, they are doing it! Inhale, return to your breath. Exhale, they reflect your worst as well. Inhale, I put sprinkles right on their heads when they were little. Exhale, they are my dessert. Inhale, all those years too scared and too angry. Exhale, return to your breath. Inhale, unschooling works. Exhale, life works.